Having it All
“Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try.”
— Master Yoda —
Since the 1960s, American women have asked themselves: “Can I really have it all?” Successful careers almost always come at the cost of family life. There is usually a financial or personal loss when prioritizing your hobby over extra hours in the office.
In this hotly contested debate, I fall squarely in the optimistic camp of “YES! I can and DO have it all.” Before you roll your eyes and write me off as naive (or worse, arrogant), let me explain how I achieve this balance in my own life.
Caveat: I know very little about Star Wars beyond the fact that stepping on the action figures strewn on my son’s floor hurts. But a few key morals have sunk in from having watched every movie 10 times. One is from Yoda, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.” Applied to the topic of having it all, this quote amounts to this: do what you can, ignore the rest. Each day, I make myself a mental list of the 3-5 things I will accomplish that day. Notice I didn’t say “plan” to accomplish. I make a commitment to myself to do those things, and then I do them.
More importantly, I make a similar mental list of the 3-5 things that I will NOT accomplish that day. These are usually things that I could do, but that I am consciously choosing not to because either: 1) they do not inspire, fulfill, or balance me; or 2) they are not important. I acknowledge these items and then consciously let them go -- giving myself permission not to feel guilty about them. In doing so, I avoid the common trap of trying but failing. Leaving these innocuous items on your to do list for days or weeks only breeds a feeling of overwhelm, incompleteness, and defeat.
It’s remarkable how much you can get done in a single day when you stop requiring yourself to do things that do not serve your greater happiness. How many times have you stayed up late making cookies for your kid’s bake sale (when, let’s be honest, the store-bought cookies probably taste better)? At the end of a long day, do you force yourself to clean that dirty dish in your sink or do you give yourself permission to do some deep-couch sitting while indulging in your guiltiest Netflix show? Do you feel compelled to say yes to happy hour with your co-workers instead of reading a nice book in a cozy nook?
Obviously, leaving the dishes for more than a day or two breeds ants. So, eventually, you’re going to have to do some chores. But on those days, allow that chore to make it to your “DO” list.
“Having it all” is about being able to prioritize the things that you care the most about -- not what society defines you should care about. Career, family, hobbies, home life: choose what “all” means for you and fight like hell for it.
For me, this list is carefully honed and I ensure that my priorities ALWAYS make my “DO” list. Beyond being a businesswoman, I prioritize the following:
Spending quality time with my husband and son every single day;
Actively supporting the pediatric neuroimmune disorder community through daily interactions with other parents and non-profits;
Painting for at least 3 hours every week (check out my alter ego, @IndigoImpressions, on Instagram);
Teaching, coaching, or mentoring at least 3 times per week;
Connecting with a core circle of friends every day;
Watching my favorite Netflix series nightly; and
Reading at least four leadership non-fictions each year
Prioritizing these things means that I choose NOT to do many, many other things each day. I hate cooking, so my husband does that for our family. Organizing the 43 boxes in my attic gives me zero happiness and isn’t hurting anyone, so it is almost a permanent “Do Not Do” list item. I do not garden, send Christmas cards, make homemade teacher appreciation gifts, or make my bed. But because I don’t, I can honestly say that I “have my all.”